Good evening! I hope you had a good weekend! : )
Recently, I spotted this week's rhyming subject line inspiration in passing on social media and dug deeper into its roots. Turns out Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung (1875–1961), first established the concept (and coined the phrase) that what you resist persists. He meant that the more you resist anything in life, the more you bring it to you.
This made me think of some challenging circumstances that I've been resisting and, surprise, that have been persisting in my life for years.
So when I saw this article by Dan Johnson, I knew it'd be a great intro to match Jung's classic truism.
So, here are 9 lessons that I'll try to incorporate when encountering an argument that persists:
- 1. 📖 - Everyone has a unique story – "We each have a view of the world, and it’s just that — our view. A resolution will be found through dialogue, not arguing about whose story is right, better, or more complete. Both stories are right."
- 2. ☯️ - Accept duality – "Understanding the principle of duality allows us to be more open-minded when co-creating solutions to conflicts. We let go of harsh judgments, and we open our hearts and mind to improving the challenging situations we face."
- 3. ⚖️ - Check your intent – "No one wants to be steamrolled, beaten up, humiliated, or taken advantage of by someone in an argument. Nor do we want to do that to anyone else. While it may feel good at the moment to prove someone wrong, it doesn’t improve the health of any relationship — business or personal. Life is not about being right. It’s about learning, growing, and making peace with ourselves and others."
- 4. 🤔 - If things heat up, get curious – "In an argument where no one is listening, someone has to stop interrupting, tuning out, or discounting others. Let it be you. People think you gain control of a conversation by talking. You don’t. You get it through inquiry, asking genuine questions because you are curious. To resolve a conflict, you need to understand the other person’s story and why they think the way they do."
- 5. 😤 - Remember to breathe – "If you can’t listen to the person you’re in conflict with, then the conflict will continue. Take as many deep breaths as you can. Slow the pace of the conversation down. You’ve got to regain balance so that you can think clearly. It isn’t easy to listen when you’re flooded with emotion. Learn to recognize the early warning signs of your emotions taking over."
- 6. 🎯 - Speak honestly, respectfully, and accurately – "Don’t exaggerate or use grandiose statements: “You always do that” or “You never do anything I ask.” They are useless and inflammatory. Be specific and factual. Say what is true for you and state it that way. “I don’t agree with that approach because…” Or, “My concern about the project is…” Be accurate in your words."
- 7. 🙇 - Be the first to apologize – "If you have screwed up, admit it, and say it with sincerity. There’s nothing worse than a half-hearted, mock attempt at apologizing: “Yeah, sorry about that. I won’t do it again.” If you apologize from your heart, you’re not only honest with yourself, but you are also letting the other person know you recognize your contribution to the situation."
- 8. 🔌 - Know when to disengage – "If an argument is getting out of hand and emotions are running high on both sides, you have to make the call: continue or not. The reptilian brain is in charge, and it’s all about survival — defend and attack. All head and no heart. What’s the point? The only thing to do is to reduce the temperature. Someone has to stop pouring fuel on the fire."
- 9. ⏳ - Call a time out – "Take a break. Reschedule when everyone is more clearheaded. Find a way to shift the energy; it can help. If you are sitting down, stand up. If you are standing, sit down. Avoid one person sitting and the other standing — be at the same physical level."
Johnson's closing words stuck with me too:
"Choose your battles carefully not every hill is worth dying on"
I hope this inspired you as much as it did me!
as always, thank you for reading,
Jon
p.s. Share the stoke & please pass the newsletter on to your friends & colleagues via a tweet, a post on LinkedIn, or a share on FB.
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📷 : Hand-tinted glass slide from the 1920s banner image courtesy of The RSF Archive.
Cycling
5 conclusions from the 2021 Strade Bianche Women's Race
The fans have spoken.
My friend Cem here in Amsterdam started a crowdfunding campaign ahead of the Strade Bianche race last week and more than 500 people came together to raise €26,903 to be distributed to the top five finishers on the race!
Inspiring stuff and hopefully moves the needle towards equality in prize money in the pro peloton!
Opinion: Tao takes the knee
This past week, the Swedish footballer Zlatan Ibrahimovic hit the headlines over comments relating to the social activism and injustice-raising of basketball great Lebron James. “I like [Lebron] a lot,” Ibrahimovic said. “He’s phenomenal, what he’s doing, but I don’t like when people with a status speak about politics..."
Tao Geoghegan Hart's response got him a Guardian article espousing that 'Everything is political. We are all in this together'
I couldn't agree more.
New Frontiers for Wahooligan athletes
Check out Wahoo's new YouTube series about several racers setting a new definition of success and applying a savvy entrepreneurial spirit to build a career on their terms.
Even though they bring miles of experience and credibility, even the most seasoned pro understands he or she is entering uncharted territory...
Work
How to Stay Optimistic (When Everything Is Awful)
- Insist on crisp execution, but make room for “organizational foolishness.”
- Invite everyone to become a problem-solver, then give them room to fix things.
- Don’t just champion new ideas; strengthen personal relationships.
- To counter so much bad news, share every piece of good news.
"You always remember a clean restroom."
"Great customer support is to startups what clean, comfortable restrooms are to restaurant franchises."
Mathias Pastor says the best companies are able to turn the support experience into something pleasant, and it always says something memorable about your business. He says support is where you learn what your users are doing at the margins, and huge opportunities arise from understanding those margins. I agree!
Better Design for Boomers.
Here’s some tips about how we can better design for the generation that raised this group of ragamuffin millennial creators.
TL;DR
- Spend time with people outside of your generation.
- Evaluate the generational context around criticism you receive.
- If it doesn’t work for people older than you, it may not work at all.
- Identify your own values and see how they influence your work.
Friends
The RSF Archive vol. 2: Further Adventures in Rough Stuff by Max Leonard
My friend Max Leonard is raising funds for The RSF Archive vol. 2: Further Adventures in Rough Stuff on Kickstarter! Click thru to back it!
Amsterdam Capital House 2021
For several years, I lead groups as a guide during the Capital Tours in Amsterdam & Rotterdam, my friend Simone is still organizing it but, of course, in a corona compatible way:
➔ How does your business affect the world around you? Is there such a thing as sustainable business, or is it just an endless strive for growth? Let's think about what role Social Capital plays for us, and explore what it means to grow a sustainable business at @AMSCapitalHouse 2021 - March 24-26th.
Sunday Max | March celebrations, vaccines, elections, e-bikes
Did you know that Bulgaria is the oldest country in Europe that still uses its original name from when it was first founded (7th century AD)?
When I spoke at a conference in Moldova several years ago, I met Max Gurvits. He recently started a weekly newsletter like this one and in his latest issue, he talks about Bulgarian History, his COVID-19 vaccination experience, the upcoming Dutch election, and bicycles. Great issue, Max!
Radness
Sex, Drugs & Bicycles Documentary
An award-winning documentary that exposes the nightmare of paid vacations, universal healthcare, and windmills!
Here are the statistics from the film to check out before you set aside 1.5hrs to watch